It’s an easy concept. Reclaim what was taken from you, what you accidentally gave away, or what you lost. It’s not easy in action, though, and we all get stumped at How?
We roll on anyway, carrying it in the places where our wholeness used to be. How? fills our pockets and shines through those holes we think no one else can see.
We try to hide it. We try to hide ourselves, in fact. Some of us go the other way and try to make ourselves look bigger and more whole. It’s hard. Here are some other things to try:
ROOT down into all that you are. Be wholly yourself, no matter the dents in your armor. Take a moment. Rest. Recover. Then lift your tender heart. Know, trust, and be thyself. If you don’t know yourself? Well, start there. Find your wise people and ask them to walk alongside you while you flesh it out. Roots, we’ve all got them.
RISE up to meet your very best self and high five her (or him) every morning.
But first…your best and highest self is not the self you think you should be, nor your fakey-fakerton most perfect self. Those are your protectors. Thank them and send them to the movies. They are disguises, meant to keep the problems off your trail.
Your highest self is your real self; more free of insecurities, more aware of how to respond to difficulties, and untethered from the things that keep you down. Your highest self knows the way to adult properly.
So rise and shine, rise and grind, rise and recuperate–whatever the day calls for. What can you do to give your highest self some air time? Does he like art? Does she like music and swerving a little in the kitchen? Does she like getting her hands in the dirt? Give that part of yourself a moment, please! Just a moment, every day.
Rise to the occasion. Rise to the call. Highest self handles things with grace. Be on her side. Get out of the way as often as possible.
REST. Rest. There are days where one must nap. Take a bath. Lay in the sun and eat blackberries or gummy bears or cheetos. Whatever. Drink more water. Turn the volume down to 1 and restore. Sleep, sleep, sleep. Simply be. We don’t take this need seriously. We must start to, every one of us. We’re dying of wear and tear diseases. We can only make so much adrenaline. Alcohol doesn’t replace spent adrenaline, for the record.
REJECT/RESIST. Do not take on false truths about yourself or anyone. Keep your pockets full of light; not sand, grit, or the rejection of others. Reject the stories people want to make about you. Resist the urge to join in the party. Be dauntless. Be kind.
Let the stories trickle down, through that painful place in your heart and please, for a moment–be sad, angry, or both. Then let that hurt roll right through. Wring, Rinse, Repeat. Sometimes it’s got to roll through a couple times; there are things that really hurt. But keep working on setting it down.
Then look out the doors that keep your heart safe. See a moat. Conjure a drawbridge. Imagine a sturdy metal gate, grand in scale. Know that you have the key, friends. Let the good stuff in. Wave and smile to the others. There’s no need to be unkind. Sometimes people don’t know they’re at the wrong castle.
RALLY. First we Rise, and then we Rally. To Rally is to answer the call; to step decisively, even joyfully into action. When we rally, we commit to the lives we have worked to build. Sometimes it’s exhausting. Fear not. If you miss the call, another one will come. We can’t seize every opportunity. Sometimes we’re in Rest. It’s tricky. Do your best to keep your tank full, live well rested, and Rally when you can. It’s the fun part.
RAISE others up. Don’t break them down. Grace VanderWaal says it best. I’m Not Clay, and neither are you. Don’t try to reshape others. Know your limits. Don’t knock on someone else’s castle door and suggest a remodel to suit your proclivities. Honor that which differs from you. Allow plenty of space, for we all have purpose, and all who wander are not lost. If you’re going to go to someone else’s castle, bring love. That’s all. Maybe tea. Tea and love.
Know which castles to admire from afar. That’s important, too. Some castles have a vast moat. It’s ok.
RELEASE. We all need release. When it’s too much, I have an overflow valve. It’s called tears. When they come, I thank them for the release they are giving me. I say, oh, thank God/all the Big G, little g ods and esses. (And my limbic system and tear ducts). I needed that. I forget sometimes.
When they come, I let them out, then I move on with my day. Maybe you have a different type of release? Know your innate release mechanisms. They’re usually far less glamorous than the things we grasp at when we’re trying to outrun something.
Recap: Root down. Rise up. Rest well.
Reject & Resist false narratives.
Rally! Raise others. Release.
Wring, Rinse, Repeat.