Big moon, guide me home.
Tonight, we ate salmon and caprese salad, strawberries, and watermelon. We petted a well-muscled, healthy dog with a permanent grin. We sat with kind people who offered their great depth and breadth of soul–really sweet people, who actually delighted in my children’s laughter just as much as my husband and I did. We sat, and I watched the sun slowly melt out of the sky, with all its accompanying changes of light, and my children playing in the foreground of that picture, in backlit joy.
What a gift.
Some people get all agog about the full moon, and some are totally oblivious to its cycles–others land everywhere between. I love the moon; it is my friend. I am a Cancer. I am ruled by the moon. The moon brings me gifts, and grace, and I am almost always working on something laced with love when I look up and see that comforting white orb, offering its illuminating reassurance.
I worked in women’s health for a time, in Alaska. It was excellent work. Each full moon, I’d field calls, as the triage nurse, that made me laugh, ache, and even sometimes clench my jaw between boundaries set with a woman unleashed. We’ve all been there.
One day, I watched the phone light up–five minutes before clinic opened. I didn’t answer, of course. Coffee, peace, preparedness. Important.
The same number called, five times, back to back. A second number called in. These two spent the last couple minutes competing for my welcoming comfort. I wrote the numbers down. I care, very much, and that was my way back then. It’s always good to check on a woman in distress, in case she finds her way to a different kind of comfort that’s not the one she’d meant to grasp. We opened the clinic.
It was like that all day. I looked at the calendar. This was far before I knew such things were common folklore. Hmm. Full moon.
I have always thought it’s acceptable, to view the world however one might. I didn’t buy it back then.
It happened a couple more times there, at Elmendorf Air Force Base. One of these days, I went to lunch, and handed the phones over to one of our male Sergeants, a very capable, kind gentleman with excellent clinical competence. I said, partially in jest–“Beware, Hunter, it’s a full moon.” He waved his hand at me, and I said, “No, for real.”
I came back from lunch, sauntering in with a joke on the tip of my tongue. I was in my mid-twenties. He ran to me. He said, “Ma’am, I thought you were kidding, but I’m not kidding! The phone was off the hook. As soon as you left, a lady called me crying because her husband kicked her out of the house and she’s in the travel trailer, and another lady called because she thinks her uterus is falling out.”
I stared. I stare a lot. He started to laugh. We laughed. I called the ladies back. With love, and diligence, and respect, I called the ladies back. There are many stories, about the full moon.
Now, though, I just love its ability to pull the best of me from down deep–a rising tide, of sorts.
Right now, in this minute of life, I am happy. So happy. I know what is next on my plate–my inner work, so to speak, and my short and long term visible, tangible goals.
Deeper roots. Dauntlessness. Faith–in myself and my community. Much is on my side. It’s not always been that way, and it’s rarely felt that way.
My husband and I are steady in our places; we’ve hacked through miles of rough to get here, but now–clarity, steadiness, teamwork, and even friendship. My dog and I get along. I predicted he’d sink into trust at the one year point, and he beat me by about two months. We bought a paddle board today, that will fit one adult, plus one big white dog that’s not afraid of anything so far, but isn’t really fond of water. At all. It will be spectacular, however it goes.
Family life is as good as family life can be. Children that are smarter than me, check. Children who are more confident than me, check. Children who are independent and don’t really care to listen to me, at all, check. Children who nevertheless love me insanely, check. Children who, while they are not listening, are taking in all the important things, check.
The horoscopes, from three different sites, are spot on with what I’m working my way through in real time. I’m following my heart in professional endeavors, and truly I have no idea what’s going to happen next, but I feel solid in my understanding it’s going to be just fine. It already is.
And here, in the light of this particular big, happy full moon, I bow to the gifts that are literally all around me. I also bow to the things that feel hard, too tight, and just a little unsure, because we all have about a pocket full of those. And the surprises…the never ending surprises, around just about every corner. Those, perhaps, whether they be dark, or light–ominous, or exquisite, I am grateful for them the very most.
May this full moon bring you just the right amount of agitation, to stretch your comfort zones sufficiently, and just enough comfort that you don’t feel undone. May these big ol’ moons guide you home, one by one.