Every minute, of every day, I am consumed by the needs of others. I am a mom, which I am deeply grateful to be, and I am a caregiver by both nature and profession. In the evening, after both kiddos are tucked safely, I turn off and sort of go away. I don’t go anywhere interesting, just “away.” I stay up too late, I stare blankly, and then it’s hard to get up. Another part of that is because sleep is interrupted by “Wakeful Wally,” aka Little Cole Man, once or even twice a night.
That is what I am thankful for today, in the pre-Thanksgiving spirit. In the night, I sneak into the room, scoop the smallest member of our family out of a heap of disheveled blankets, and hold him tight. I change his diaper, I kiss his feet or his chubby face, and then sometimes he commands me to “Rock.” When I rock him, he snuggles into his “Ni-night,” the blanket that was his father’s, and sometimes he falls back to sleep on my chest, and there is no better high.
Other times, he sits up and gives me the gift of a true, deep, abiding-love kind of smile – complete with crinkle-edged eyes, and I practically glow in the dark. It’s an indulgence, and I know it will not last much longer. So – today I am exhausted, with a puffy face, and feeling a little fuzzy in the head – but I’m also soft in the middle, because I am a mom.
Tonight, I plan to go to bed early…