February 2012, on maternity leave.
What else to do but go through a massive pile of bits of paper, all holding jotted inspirations and vitriol? A collection forged over the past year or few. I know some of this is OCD tendencies having their way. I know what makes me happy, what makes me unhappy. I don’t need to write it down.
I am happy right now, in our new home, with a beautiful family and this baby coming soon. I have been working too hard the last year, and now I’ve had a couple weeks to just do what I want. It’s uncomfortable.
My work drives a certain angst, hard to disconnect from fully. This work allows me deeper connection with the human condition; whatever variety presents before me. Or from within me. On to these bits of paper. The year has yielded frenzied scribbling when the words overflow from my mind through my fingers – while driving, awakening me from restless sleep, and in times when I’ve been so overwhelmed I didn’t know what else to do.
I find that I keep a tabulation of the things I can do to make myself feel alive when I’ve gotten too still and stagnant…which occurs all too often. As if I may forget…
yoga, bike, skateboard, downhill ski, cross country ski, ride, backpack
travel, quilt, knit, decoupage, embroider, sew, mosaic, paint, read
garden, exercise, playdates, fish, frisbee golf, play catch, music festivals
dance, see friends, call friends, have friends over for dinner or special occasions, date nights
enjoy my pets, massage, make sure I’m taking my supplements
go out for good, local food
clean so I can provide a soothing home for my family and myself
seek symbolic mothering, take the children outside, put on good music